For Me, This is Heaven
by EagleDaydream
Summary: Four years after Chihiro left the Spirit world. Haku has not returned to her, and she has been in the human world all the time. Until...
1. For Me, This is Heaven

For Me, This is Heaven  
  
Disclaimer & Author's Note: I do not own the characters, plot, or anything of Spirited Away. I also don't own the song used in the story, which is, 'For Me, This is Heaven' by Jimmy Eat World. Lyrics to the song are surrounded in *'s. -- This is my first Spirited Away fic, I hope it's good, and I hope you all like it. ^.^ R&R, please!  
  
Summary: Four years after Chihiro left the Spirit world. Haku has not returned to her, and she has been in the human world all the time. Until...  
  
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Gasps and shouts of joy emerged from every corner of the Bath House. The exciting news was here and there, almost everyone had heard it by now. Such joy.. such celebration.  
  
Haku's eyes peered around, watching the dancing, seeing the happy smiles on everyone's faces. It was too much. He had to get away. As quickly as his feet could take him, he rushed to the elevator, which was completely free. He pulled the lever on his side and watched out the window, seeing everyone on each floor dancing around in excitement. The elevator stopped at one floor, and he raced out, dodging the many joyful figures, and ducking into a corner room.  
  
He looked around to make sure he was the only one in the small, dark room. He dropped to his knees, and stared at the floor.  
  
-- Haku's POV --  
  
It's been.. a long time.  
  
Four years, Chihiro, since we've last seen each other, almost to the date. I can remember that last time we saw each other, as though it happened yesterday.  
  
But it's still been a very long time. It's been too long, Chihiro.  
  
* The first star I see  
  
may not be a star.  
  
We can't do a thing but wait,  
  
so let's wait for one more. *  
  
All I've been doing is waiting. I was waiting for something to happen so that I could get out of here, and get to you, safely. If I step past those rocks, where the river would be, I don't know what would happen to me.  
  
I was just a river outside of this world. I all ever did was flow on, until you came along. Then I saved you.  
  
Chihiro, I remember it so well.  
  
So, I don't leave this place. I fear that if I do leave, I will truly never see you again. If I stay here, maybe I'm a little safer. But I still can't see you, Chihiro.  
  
I just can't see you. But I want to, so much.  
  
* The time such clumsy time  
  
in deciding if it's time.  
  
I'm careful, but not sure how it goes.  
  
You can lose yourself in your courage. *  
  
I visit it so many times when it is day, staring at those rocks. I just stood there, wondering if I should really do it, if I should really work up that courage and step across.  
  
But I don't want to lose you, hoping that I haven't lost you already.  
  
Oh, Chihiro, how I hate it. I hate being away from you. You were the one that saved me from Ubaba, you were the one who finally brought change from this boring routine.  
  
I finally realized it, years after. You are the one I love.  
  
Chihiro, you've always been.  
  
* When the time we have now ends,  
  
When the big hand goes 'round again,  
  
Can you still feel the butterflies?  
  
Can you still hear the last goodnight? *  
  
-- Out of Haku's POV --  
  
Swift feet rushed down the hall, almost as though the speed at which they traveled made all the difference in the world. And in a way, it did.  
  
An excited grin spread over Lin's face, even with her eyes narrowed and determined. Her heart was pounding wildly as she rushed down the hall, carelessly dodging through the excited figures.  
  
She HAD to find him. He HAD to know about this.  
  
"Where is he?"  
  
Lin stopped at a corner room, and examined the doorway carefully. With a nod of approval, she decided she'd take a chance and see if this was the right one. It was either that he would be in there, or no one would be in there, or someone would be in there and she would get in some serious trouble.  
  
But it was time to get brave.  
  
Lin opened the doorway and peered inside. She let out a sigh of relief.  
  
"Haku! There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you!"  
  
Two dark eyes peered up at Lin, and she bit her lip.  
  
"Something wrong?"  
  
Haku's gaze retreated to the floor again.  
  
"Argh, this again. Well, I've come here to actually tell you something, though I'd be surprised if you haven't heard it already."  
  
* And the mindless comfort grows  
  
when I'm alone with my great plans.  
  
This is what she says gets her through it.  
  
"If I don't let myself be happy now, then when?"  
  
If not now? *  
  
"Sen is back!"  
  
Silence.  
  
"Didn't you hear me, I said Sen is back!"  
  
"Her name's Chihiro," Haku finally spoke up.  
  
"Fine, then, Chihiro's back! So you'd better hurry up and come see her!"  
  
Silence.  
  
"Well, I don't care now. I'm going back to go see her."  
  
With that, Lin left the room, stomping out the door and back down the hallway.  
  
-- Haku's POV --  
  
I have to go see you. Don't I?  
  
You must have been waiting, too. You must have been waiting a long time for me to come to you. I've been waiting a long time, too.  
  
But that's just strange, waiting for myself to do something. That's what I was always doing before you came here. I was just waiting to be freed from this place, waiting to get away from Ubaba's control. And you actually did free me.  
  
Did I ever thank you?  
  
* When the time we have now ends,  
  
when the big hand goes round again,  
  
Can you still feel the butterflies?  
  
Can you still hear the last goodnight? *  
  
I wonder if you remember that day as well as I do.  
  
Probably. Knowing you, Chihiro, I don't think you'd ever forget this place or your memories. Obviously not, since you came back. You came back to see this place again.  
  
Did you truly miss it that much?  
  
I forget what it's like outside of this world. I wonder if it's changed from what I existed in.  
  
Probably.  
  
But you still came back.  
  
I wonder.. did you come back to see someone in particular?  
  
Probably Lin. I recognized that you seemed to look to as your big sister. Maybe you came back to see Boh. Boh really liked you, you know?  
  
Or maybe you came back to see if anything has changed. Maybe you came back to make sure it wasn't just a dream. I can assure you that it wasn't.  
  
Or.. did you come back to see me?  
  
Chihiro, do you still love me?  
  
* I close my eyes and believe.  
  
Wherever you are, you're an angel for me.  
  
When the time we have now ends,  
  
when the big hand goes round again,  
  
Can you still feel the butterflies?  
  
Can you still hear the last goodnight? *  
  
Wait.  
  
I can hear footsteps outside my door again. It's probably Lin, just coming to pester me again.  
  
Chihiro, I want to see you again.  
  
I've wanted that for four years now. And I've tried to do something about it, but something kept holding me back.  
  
Fear.  
  
Chihiro, I still love you, and all I want is to see you again.  
  
But I'm.. not ready yet. I'm not ready to see your smiling face once again. I don't know why, but I'm just not ready.  
  
Will I ever be ready? Will I have to wait for that, too?  
  
The door.. it's opening. Oh, but it's just Lin. Just what I suspected.  
  
"Haku," Lin's voice called, as soft as ever. "Someone's here to see you."  
  
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	2. Stay

Chapter 2 ; Stay  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Spirited Away, Haku, Lin, Sen/Chihiro, or any of the other SA characters. I also do not own the song or lyrics of 'Stay' by Lisa Loeb, used in this chapter. Lyrics are in *'s again.  
  
Enjoy!  
  
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-- Chihiro's POV --  
  
He looked horrible, really, he did. Seeing Haku crouched over like that on his knees, trying to avoid my gaze somehow... it was just awful.  
  
Did I do something wrong, Haku?  
  
I bit my lip as I stood just a bit in front of Lin, staring at Haku's form, only illuminated by what light there was emerging from the hall. I took in a sharp breath. This was enough. I had to talk to Haku, I couldn't just stand here and stare at him.  
  
"Haku..." I nearly whispered.  
  
"You," he replied, almost choking out the word. "You came back."  
  
"I did."  
  
I tried to feign happiness. I at least had to act like I was pleased that he was acting like this. And I was pleased, just a little, that I at least got a response out of him. A whole phrase, at that.  
  
"Haku, I--"  
  
"Why did you come back?"  
  
"What? Haku, I had to see everyone here! I had to come back and see you!"  
  
Haku's steel-like eyes finally looked up, and met a gaze with mine. The stare he gave me didn't seem at all kind. He looked as though he wasn't sure if he was angry at me or afraid of something.  
  
* You say  
  
I only hear what I want to.  
  
And you say  
  
I talk so all the time, so...*  
  
I couldn't take it.  
  
"Haku! I thought you would be happy!"  
  
"Happy?" he gasped out. "You might be in danger here! Chihiro, you should go back to your own world. It's not always safe here."  
  
"You think I don't know that?"  
  
"Chihiro, you don't belong here!"  
  
Lin narrowed her eyes and stepped forward, menacingly glaring Haku down.  
  
"Haku, Sen- oh, Chihiro- puts forth the effort to come back and visit us once again and the first thing you tell her to do is to go back home?"  
  
"Yes," Haku scowled, his eyes averting and glaring straight back at Lin.  
  
He looked back to me with a deep stare. He stared at me in a way that I could swear he was trying to stare right into my soul. You know, they do say that eyes can be the mirrors to the soul. But, I just.. I've never seen Haku like this before.  
  
It was.. frightening.  
  
* And I thought what I felt was simple.  
  
And I thought that I don't belong.  
  
And now that I am leaving,  
  
now I know that I did something wrong.  
  
'cause I missed you, yeah, I missed you. *  
  
"Chihiro, get out of here," Haku continued.  
  
"No!" I protested quite loudly. "Haku, I missed everyone here, don't you understand that?"  
  
"More than you can ever know."  
  
I... certainly wasn't expecting that reply. If he did understand, then why did he want me to go back home?  
  
"Haku," I spoke up once again, "I was going to come back sooner or later."  
  
Haku opened his mouth to say something in response, but I silenced him, raising my hand.  
  
"And I was going to come back whether you thought it was okay for me to do, or not."  
  
I peered over to Lin. She had a wide, satisfied grin on her face; it looked a little comical.  
  
At least someone was here to lighten up the mood.  
  
"Even though you say that you would've came back anyway, that still doesn't make it right," Haku finally replied.  
  
"Haku, you're making no sense!" I shouted at him angrily.  
  
"You can't stay here!"  
  
"Then come with me," I dared. "Come see me, like you said you would!"  
  
* And you say I only hear what I want to.  
  
I don't listen hard,  
  
I don't pay attention to the distance that you're running to,  
  
anyone, anywhere.  
  
I don't understand if you really care.  
  
I'm only hearing negative- no, no, no, bad. *  
  
After a moment of complete silence in the room, I assumed I had won this argument. But Haku spoke back up shortly after my assumed victory, narrowing his eyes at me, but almost.. in a thoughtful way.  
  
"I thought you said you came back to see everyone," he said. "You want me to come, and you leave all the others behind?"  
  
"Oh, so now you're encouraging me to stay, Haku? I thought you wanted me to leave!"  
  
"For your own good, Chihiro!"  
  
"Then, tell me, what did you mean by that?" I asked, glaring daggers at him.  
  
They say.. it's a fine line between love and hate.  
  
"I," Haku sighed. "I meant every word I said! Chihiro, you're being naive! You can't just return to this world like this, and try to make everything right again and visit all of your old friends. It just can't happen like that!"  
  
"Why not, Haku? I thought you understood how much I missed everyone here! Haku, it's been four years already, and I miss my friends! I have every RIGHT to come back here and see them again!"  
  
"I told you!" Haku said, pounding a fist on the floor. "You could be in danger here!"  
  
"Who's going to come after me? Who? Tell me! I don't see anyone stalking up the stairs after me trying to injure me, murder me, kidnap me! Tell me where they are, Haku! Because for all I can see, the bath house is in CELEBRATION because of my return right now!"  
  
"I don't know where they are, but the fact is--"  
  
"The fact IS that you obviously don't want me around here!"  
  
"That's RIGHT."  
  
Haku pushed himself up on his feet, and he made his way toward me quite quickly. His face resting only inches from mine, the determination in his eyes was unmistakable.  
  
"So get out of here," he whispered.  
  
Tears began spilling out of the corners of my eyes. I couldn't help it. My emotions were so overpowering. I bit my lip once again, and I briskly turned my back to Haku.  
  
I couldn't let him see me like this.  
  
* So I turn the radio on,  
  
I turn the radio up,  
  
and this woman was singing my song,  
  
Lovers in love and the others run away.  
  
Lover is crying cause the other won't stay.  
  
Some of us hover when we weep for the other,  
  
who was dying since the day they were born. *  
  
In a swift dash out to the hall, going as fast as my legs could take me, I ran away from the room. I ran away from Haku.  
  
"Sen!" I heard Lin call after me, a rush of footsteps following the words.  
  
I turned around and saw that Haku had grasped Lin by the wrist.  
  
"Let her go," he said.  
  
I brought my gaze back in front of me, though my vision was quite blurred because of the tears that were streaming down my face.  
  
It wasn't fair.  
  
It wasn't fair, Haku. I came all the way back here to see you, and I end up getting yelled at by you. And you try to banish me back to my own world.  
  
I reached the elevator and rushed right in, pulling the lever as quickly as I could.  
  
You said that it was for my own good. Sure, like you'd know anything about what's right for me.  
  
As the elevator slowly descended, I gazed out the sides and observed all those in celebration.  
  
Did I.. really make that much of an impact on this place?  
  
I suppose so. I waved back to those who would notice me and give a merry little wave my way. I tried my best.. once again.. to at least act like I was happy.  
  
But this time, I just wasn't happy. About anything.  
  
* Well, this is not that.  
  
I think that I'm throwing, but I'm thrown.  
  
And I thought I'd live forever, but now I'm not so sure.  
  
You try to tell me that I'm clever, but that won't take me anyhow,  
  
or anywhere, with you. *  
  
Putting on a smile as the elevator stopped at the main floor, I rushed out. Drying my tears as quickly as I could, I rushed through the crowds. I had to slip through the cracks between everyone gathered around, occasionally giving a little nudge to a spirit or two so I could get out.  
  
I needed to get out. I had to escape.  
  
Reaching the doors, I pushed them open as quickly as possible, trying my best not to be spotted by anyone and chased after.  
  
I couldn't let anyone see me like this.  
  
I slowed my speed a bit once I was completely outside.  
  
I gazed at the sky, and I gasped. It was quite dark now, but it didn't matter. It looked like the bath house was as packed as it was going to get, because of the sudden celebration.. because of my sudden arrival.  
  
I stepped onto the bridge, and leaned on one of its side guards, letting out a rather dramatic sigh at the same time.  
  
Haku, how could you ever want this? I thought that you would be happy that I was back. Certainly the rest of the bath house was acting that way. But they didn't understand what was going on. Hell, I didn't understand what was going on, either. I closed my eyes, rather rapt in thought.  
  
How could you have suddenly turned on me like that?  
  
For my own good. I still find that phrase amusing. You honestly couldn't know. How could you have had your best intentions in mind when you had made me cry?  
  
But.. you did save me. Many times now.  
  
"I knew I'd find you out here," a familiar voice called.  
  
Startled, I opened my eyes, and gazed to the form across the bridge.  
  
"What are you doing out here, Haku?"  
  
"I wanted to talk to you," he said, stepping forward slowly.  
  
"We did that well enough back in the room," I said sternly, turning my gaze away from Haku.  
  
"I also have to apologize," he said softly.  
  
I glanced back at him, noticing that he was standing by my side.  
  
"You.. did.. come all the way back here, and I didn't say hello," he grinned.  
  
* You said that I was naive,  
  
and I thought that I was strong.  
  
I thought, 'Hey, I can leave, I can leave,'  
  
but know I know that I was wrong.  
  
'cause I missed you, yeah, I missed you. *  
  
"Damn right," I said, accenting my face with a rather lopsided smile.  
  
"But tell me," I continued, "did you have this sudden realization and decide to chase after me, or--"  
  
"Lin slapped me."  
  
I let out a small laugh, sniffling a bit after. I noticed.. my tears had subsided.  
  
"That explains it," I smirked. "You deserved it."  
  
Haku let out a soft chuckle, and stepped just a bit closer. He grasped my hand lightly in his palm. I looked at him with a rather confused stare.  
  
"Don't ask questions," he grinned. "Just.. come on."  
  
I stood up straight once again, and followed after Haku as he began walking-- in the direction of the doors of the bath house once again.  
  
"The whole bath house is looking for you," he chuckled.  
  
* You said, 'You caught me 'cause you want me,  
  
and one day you'll let me go.'  
  
You try to give away a keeper, or keep me 'cause you know you're  
  
just so scared to lose.  
  
And you say, 'Stay.'  
  
You say I only hear what I want to. *  
  
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Wow. I wasn't expecting to make this second chapter, but obviously, it was very evil of me to leave it there. Hopefully you all liked this chapter. But now I need some feedback from you guys. Shall I continue with this, or just leave it here? I can do either, it's all up to you. So, review and tell me what you all think! 


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